Falcon, get an agent!

I have been watching this whole balloon boy saga unfold, and it has caused me great internal struggle.   The first thing I thought on the day it happened was that it was a hoax.  When I heard the boy was hiding in the attic for 5 hours, I was immediately skeptical.  I’ve played hide and seek with 6 year olds.  Most kids can’t hide for 5 minutes without getting board.   Hell, I know I can’t.  To think his two brothers didn’t know where he was, is absurd.

I have since changed my mind.   It may not have been a hoax, but the buffoonish parents have now seen this as a way to cash in on some notoriety.  What would that notoriety be?  Let’s see, I built a helium balloon big enough to carry my kids away and left it barely tethered in my back yard.  Parents of the year award nominee right there.  My kid threw up not once, but twice on national TV programs, and I was still dragging him out there.  We now have clear front runners for parents of the year.  There is youtube video of their family vacation in THE EYE OF HURRICANE GUSTAV!!  That’s it Kanye, get ready to storm the stage these guys are winners.

Clearly this is not your average family unit.  I see them as the Robinson’s from Lost in Space meet the Griswald’s from National Lampoons Vacation.  That being said, Falcon needs some advice.

1.  Get the same agent Jon and Kate had.  Your parents aren’t doing the job well with your reality TV career.  Bit parts here and there just are not acceptable.  You are a star.

2.  You need a Blimp.  Think about it.  Flying over football games.  Look there’s the Falcon blimp!  Forget MetLife or Goodyear.  You’re the man.

3.  Whatever you do, don’t let your parents around Lindsey Lohan’s dad.  He didn’t do that great of job with her and I hear he’s hangin’ with Jon Gosselin.  I bet he’s already left a message on your Dad’s cell phone.  Beware.

4.  Strike while the iron is HOT.  You need a line of shiny UFO shaped Halloween costumes.   Can you say Cha Ching!

5.  Save every penny of what you get now.  Blimp flying, attic hiding, throwing up on TV, and crazy parent fame is fleeting.

Hmm..now where is my daughter?  Dammit our homemade three stage rocket is missing.  I better call the local news then call the police.

No Comments

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.